Sunday, July 4, 2010
Time just doesn’t fly – It just zooms past you.
It’s been almost half a year since my initial diagnosis. A year ago, I wouldn’t ever expect that by this time of the year, my life will have taken a 360-degree turn, that my priorities will change, that my own strength will be tested and that I will be re-thinking what my real purpose is.
A lot of pozzies cry, right after finding out. It took me six months to cry. I cried yesterday. It was six months worth of crying. And it felt good.
It was just six months, but all the realizations lately are far more than what I made in the first thirty so years of my life. I would be a hypocrite to say that if I can just rewind my life, I would not change a thing in the past. Had I not submitted myself to the test six months ago, I would not have found out early. And I will have been lying in death bed a couple of months from now. But I go back to that day, when God pushed me a bit to see that sign: GET TESTED.
HIV has taken a lot from me - and God knows how much I pray hard for the cure. It may come. It may not. And we decide if we want to move on. Or not.
And Meredith Grey once said, that at some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.
That's why I'm not making HIV a fence. I'm crossing that line. It's just so bad - that at this time, I need to cross it alone.